It's tough being a Vegan Cheese. First there's the identity crisis with no one really sure what to call you, let alone the existential crisis where everyone appears to be questioning your very existence...
No wonder it's difficult to find a good vegan cheese. They're probably all hiding from a world that shuns them so, reading Sylvia Plath's The Babybel Jar in a darkened room; watching helplessly as various memes about them take over social media.
Sometimes you'll find one, sitting on the supermarket shelf (let's call it Gary), but it's all hard and rubbery, having had to learn to toughen itself against the cruel world that won't accept it for who it is.
We feel for you, Gary. We know you want to be accepted as a part of our lives, to be swooned over with chutney atop your yellow little head, melted into a stone-baked pizza or cheekily nibbled with a glass of red. But, how do we put this... you're just not our type. (Sorry).
You see, we want a slightly softer cheese, one who understands us, what we need, what we desire. So you see, Gary, one vegan cheese simply doesn't fit all.
That's why we're looking beyond the supermarket shelves. We're going to find out what really makes a vegan cheese, and then we're going to make it ourselves, dammit!
And we'll add the flavours we want. We'll make it the texture we want and we will get our fix of vegan cheese without having to leave the house!
And we'll call it Brad.
Sorry, Gary. It's not you - it's us. We just want something a little more to our taste.
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